Om shanti om

I keep starting to write a post about the need to commit to sustainability and keep getting side tracked. I will post something more substantive soon but in the meantime, please watch this video. 

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Now I’m never going to dance again

So- in short, there will be no LSE this year. Maybe it will work out in the future. For the time being I am holding my spot for next year but unless my work agrees to another deferral (which I am pretty sure I don’t want to do anyways) that won’t happen.

I sincerely believe in the power of prayer and I know that many of you were praying for things to work out. I am confident that all our prayers were answered and things have worked out. After the initial disappointment and frustration of watching such a simple visa procedure go completely array, I quickly felt better about the situation. God has never let me down, no matter how many times I have let him down. I trust in Him now and know that something beyond my wildest dreams will happen this year. And I truly believe what I wrote about some time ago. The idea of listening to the universe. Going with the flow. I gave it my best shot to get this visa and there are still some other things I could do but there “is a time for everything” and “a time to search and a time to give up.” I am not going to force LSE to happen. I have learned in the last year that the things that are destined for us and the things that are best for us do not have to be forced beyond reason. A person receives their education in many ways. I have no doubt that in this next year, I will receive an education that was in no way possible at LSE. In fact, I already have.

Since then it’s been a book you read in reverse

I guess it’s big talk to say that even when everything seems to work out imperfectly, it is still perfect in it’s own way. When you feel like your back is up against the wall, it is much harder to stick by that sentiment. 

I’m in Chicago and even though I was supposed to go back to London on Monday, now I have to change my ticket and extend my stay here for another week. If nothing works out by then, I am just going to call it a day and know that at least I tried my hardest to get the visa. 
The whole thing has been a nightmare. A very expensive nightmare. After I got my biometrics taken, I spoke with the passport agency and found out that I couldn’t get a visa at all because my passport was soon to expire and if you don’t have at least six months left on it, they won’t give you a visa. So, the first order of business was to get a new passport. Ok. I got the 24 hour rush passport and had that ready by Weds. 
The very, very short version of the rest of the story is that my visa has been denied for reasons that can only be attributed to the incompetence of the expediting agency that I am using to take care of all of this. They have totally messed things up and now I have to take the case back from them and try to explain to the consulate why those people were incompetent. 
At this time it seems very unlikely that things will work out and thus I will have to put this LSE dream aside. It is incredibly, incredibly disappointing. I know that this door closing will open up other doors and opportunities and on top of that, I always still have both my Istanbul and DC jobs, so I am grateful for that. But… it is still sad. And it is ok to say that. I understand that whatever happens, it will somehow be for the best, but for a moment I just want to feel sorry for myself, to curl up in a ball, watch House and fantasize that I had gone to med school instead.